Rush Hour?

Yesterday,  I was stopped behind this dude...

Does  the license plate read "i want on you?"

Really? Toyota Camry.

Maybe like a hot guy in a HUMMER...

and even that would be questionable.

when the light turned green I pulled up next to him & it was an asian man.

Reminded me of the guy from the hangover- & then the plate kind of made sense.

But let's be honest...

it wasn't the guy from the hangover

&

we are in the middle of kansas!
kind of weird?

I'm still confused by this public display of arrogance.

In other news,

 the House got painted last week!!!

I have succumb to the fact that it's yellow.

we picked out a light tan (sherwin williams, "pinenut")

except when i first saw the paint job i said-

OMG it's  yellow!

 Of all the things to go wrong-

 the exterior paint color is kind of a big deal!

**Commence internal paint struggle...**

should we repaint?

Does it look too country cottage-ish?

Are you kidding me "pine nut"? You really let me down!!!

You looked so tan on the 5 inch color swatch! Why the hell are you yellow on the house!?

All along I kept saying I wanted a "clean" look on the outside,

Tan house, white trim, dark red brick.

It was going to be great!

Then....

sunday afternoon,

we stopped by the house & ran into the neighborhood developer.

We were standing outside talking to her and that's when she said those 4 magical words...

"it looks so clean!"

 **cease internal struggle!!!**

that's all it took!

a little validation.

So here it is...

our clean yellow house*

*did i really just write a blog on paint color? where my kids at? where's my swagger waggon?

when did i go from 25 to 35?

MORE to come on the swagger wagon in the next post--

just like lady gaga promised her fans

at the mtv music awards

that she would announce the name of her next album

 i will announce the name of my next blog post...

"adventures in chi town"

A few Quick Questions...

Around work I like to call them QQ's... used in the following context:

"Hey, QQ."

see how much time that saves!

you should all try it. I'm really hoping it goes "viral"

the modern day LoL

1.

Is it really September Already?

This means that our wedding is in two months!

It hit me monday when we got a bed bath and beyond email saying...

 "only 2 months to go! make sure you've reigstered for all you need"

Seriously, i need to quit work and devote all my time to wedding stuff-

and start working out a lot more.

AHHHH!!!!

oh yeah and casey if you're reading this- get an outfit already! and a bow tie, stat.

2. 
Aren't kids supposed to ride in the backseat until they are like 12?

I saw a lady driving with her toddler in the front seat today. 

A big empty mini van and three year old tommy in the front seat.

WTF lady?

That kid  is not over the legal age to ride shotgun,

nor is he over the 60lb weight limit or whatever it is.

We were at a stoplight & she was behind me

so i decided to dramatically shake my head in disapproval.

I think we made eye contact through the rearview mirror,

please lady,
 It cannot be that hard to make him sit in the back seat.

don't you watch the today show?
even kia rides in the backseat.

3.

Why do i love intervention so much?

I'll tell you why, because every time I watch an episode, I feel better about myself.

Is that wrong?

Classy

Drove by a construction site today.

The lady worker had on white jean capri's and wedges along with her bright orange contrustion vest and dirt all over her attire. At what point, when you're a construction worker, do you think wearing white is ok? And ever more interesting to me... at what point do your summer wedges win out over your construction boots?

I found myself just staring at her in awe.

This lady has a stereotypical "mans job" and she's just giving it the figurative finger.

As if to say, not only can i do this job, i can do it in heels, wearing white, so f*off.

I didn't know if i wanted to be her friend, or scared.

Needless to say- it was amazing.

On A side note- we registered this weekend!!!

&

Casey got to hold the gun!!!!

Dance Party Tuesday?

On my way into work this morning i had to stand because all the seats were taken.

Then I noticed the man next to be was talking to himself-

 atleast I totally thought he was talking to himself. But after awhile he started to dance around... that is when i realized he'd been singing to himself!

Then the dancing got serious-

this guy: baggy jeans, button down pressed shirt, bandana hanging out of his back pocket, fresh new kicks, and he smelled awesome! Was full out dancing on the light rail.

and he could dance.

pumping his fists, throwing up his hands, backing it into an unsuspecting businessman.

But i'm really confused because he just had a blue tooth in his ear?

Do those play music?

Or was he on the phone with a friend who was playing him a tune?

Or, is his ipod broken so before he left home he turned on his stereo, called his blue tooth from his home phone and left it on the line so he could listen on the way to....

wherever he was going.

Have you ever seen improv everywhere?

It was just like that!!!

Which is funny because i've always wanted to participate in a spontanious musical, and I never guessed i'd be the random girl standing by.

Anyway, 3 or 4 stops in a seat became available...

I took it, still facing him, and put in my headphones with some will i am.

Now the dude was dancing right on beat with my music.

Why can't every day start out with a dance party????

A series of random events…

1.
 The light rail was 10 minutes late yesterday- 10 minutes! & it was raining!

As I waited for the train, with no idea if it was going to show up or not- I wondered???

What if it doesn’t show up?

I literally know of no other way to get home. I don’t know the bus routes & I left my cell phone at home today so I can’t look up the bus routes, I also can’t call Luke (the roomy) to come pick me up.

What did people do on 9/11?

I assume public transportation stopped. I know cell phones weren’t working. A lot of those people travel into the city from far away suburbs for work- how did they get home? Did the walk?

Finally!!!

 Light rail shows up! Literally between the first 3 stops, there were more people on the light rail than I ever thought could fit- people are cramming in, its 5 o’clock, and worst time ever for public transportation to be backed up!

Then light rail driver gets on the intercom, we're leaving downtown and heading south to the next stop, dude says “sorry for the delay, we had another train blow up so we had to get a new train on the tracks”

Mass chaos.

Everyone, crammed into my light rail car...

“Blow up?”

“Did he say blow up?”

 “I didn’t hear anything about a train blowing up?”

I lean over to the lady next to me- “I’m sure he meant break down”

 

Next stop about 10 people rush off- and I have serious suspensions that it wasn’t their stop.

And… since I was just thinking about 9/11- I break out into a nervous sweat.

2.
 I stopped by jamba juice to get a smoothie for breakfast last week. The nice lady at the cash register said to me: “Erin Right?”

“No, Lora” I say.

“Oh that’s right, Lora, I will get it right one of these days!”

Um... never been to that particular jamba juice before.

 

3.
 A man-boy (he was easily in his 20’s) sat across from me on the light rail Monday morning reading a picture book about puppies. He had no ring on- so i assumed he didn't have any kids & he wasn't just reading the puppy book to catch up on children’s literature. Additionally, he was wearing a short sleeved, button down, yellow, Hawaiian print shirt. I couldn’t figure him out- this has bothered me all week.

4.

Today at work one of our managers came in….

He’s been working on a big client, so he has been living at the office.

The partner said to him “how’s your morning?”

He responded...

“Good, I got to see my kid today, when I left the house he was 3, now he’s 11. He was standing out back smoking a cig and told me to fuck off. He’s just like his daddy”

I was sitting in my cube across the office- I laughed out loud- It was hilarious!

But the partner wasn’t laughing; she didn’t appreciate the humor-

awkward, but hilarious…

Bernie Madoff

Friday Morning, I stopped by the gas station,

Get out of my car all ready to get gas, when a red jeep pulls up to the pump behind me and out steps-

Bernie Madoff.

Not even kidding, my stomach dropped, I'm all like-

"What is he doing out of jail?"

Now, most of you know.... I'm a Today Show junkie, and I have not seen any stories about the escape/ release of this swindler.

What should i do?

Citizens arrest?

Well- I've got on flats... and it's friday jeans day.... so my attire is agrees with this scenario....

Anyway, as I'm thinking about what to do with Mr Madoff-

I finish pumping gas, put the nozzle back in its carrier, and realize the gas hose (the one that hangs down from overhead) is pressed against my open car door.

I grab the hose- to move it behind the door- so I can shut the door, and the pump falls back out of its carrier and onto my foot.

I start screaming, hopping around on one foot. Bernie is staring.

Turns out it wasn't Bernie.

As he came forward to help i realized he wasn't the perp i'd made him out to be.

But- All i'm saying- if there were to be a celebrity look alike contest- He'd win.

And...

If Old Bernie turns up missing- Denver might be a good place for the authorities to start their search.

On a side note- foot still hurts. There is a bump, small, but obvious, and i may have developed a fear of the pump... as i already have a fear of the car wash.
Just a word to the wise, gas stations are dangerous. 

Good LUCK?

Hey All, Sorry my life sucks. I NEVER get to blog anymore... so sad.

Anyway... two quick happenings.

I had to take the lightrail downtown last week,

this was exciting because i never take the lightrail anymore, i always drive to the client.

so i'm thinking... maybe a good story, maybe a magic man sighting- who knows!?

Anyway, this cute little girl and her mom get on-

she sits across from me in her cute little pink puffy coat,

her mom stands and holds on to the hand rail overhead.

All of a sudden, cute little girl turns into not SO cute little girl puking on my shoes.

Sweet.

NO REALLY, awesome. great, thanks.

You're cute, but you're like 6, so that's big kid throw up right there and it's only 8AM!

Her mom rushes her off at the next stop.

Dude across the isle keeps staring at me, then my shoes.

I KNOW! i'm well aware dude.

Get off,

 run to the office,

into the bathroom,

clean the shoes. 

sick.

For any of you who know me, this is the 2nd time i've been puked on by a little kid.

The last time was on the way to vegas,

this kid in front of me on the plane starts throwing up,

it leaks between the seats and onto my new purse/ vera bag.

i start crying hysterically, too distraught to clean my own bags. Nightmare!

and the mom turns to us and says...

"sorry, he just overate at IHOP"

Maybe a kid throwing up on you is good luck,

Like a bird pooping on you?

Tuesday

Hello, Hello, and good morning to all!

I woke up today and declared to kia, and I'm assuming Helen because she's always around...  "Today. I will blog!"

Little did i know I was in store for an exciting, disappointing, and uncoordinated morning commute... but we all know- it's good blog material-and for that I am grateful:)

This weekend, I made brownies, nothing exceptional, just the old box mix.

Anyway... here comes some lady on the Today Show saying "even if you just eat one brownie every night you can gain weight, one brownie is very fattening"

Well holy crap lady, I've got a whole pan!

So today I pack up for work, make my lunch, get my backpack on (work computer)and cup of coffee,

stop.

stare at the brownie pan...

internal struggle:

Brownie every night this week would be nice...

But!

I could take them into work, i'd be a superstar (people like brownies), and i'd be avoiding the weight gain...

ok ok ok, fine, whatever, I'll do it! 

Wrestle the brownie pan, paper plate, tin foil to top- on my way! 

Anyway..... i make it onto the light rail, literally bumping into people right and left- poor lady next to me- it's always the backpack- im trying to take it off while holding a plate of brownies and a cup of coffeee!!! Finally i just ask her- "can you hold these for a sec? Thanks!"

Amidst all the chaos, i finally get settled, look up- It's Magic man!!!

Send the following Email my coworker... because she gets on at the broadway stop.

"Hey, The magic man is on the light rail again!!! I'm trying to get a pic of him, if not, he gets off at broadway- so be on the lookout.

Ok change of plans, as I was writing this he got off (at broadway):( So I've attached what I'd call my best effort of a photo shoot.. Please note.. I took these pics across the aisle, on my phone, & as such- the quality is disappointing:(

Thanks, Lora

Sent from my iPhone"

Meanwhile, I've stood up, (set brownies on seat, coffee in hand)
& Blatantly Taken this pic...

Magic man, and his magic box, by the big white pole... Better luck next time:(

Anyway...
chaos subsides, i sit down to enjoy my coffee- look around... sitting in the next set of seats facing me is a girl with my same jacket on.

Now we are akwardly staring at eachother... everyone has been in that moment... should I say something?
"Hey, nice coat."
has anyone ever said something? You know you're both thinking it.

I mean, it's a northface, i'm aware other people might possibly own the same coat- I've just never been faced with it. THEN- I notice she is also wearing the same ring that i have.

I mean, the ring is from forever 21, i'm also aware other people might possibly own it.

But the combo of the two? Am i really not as original as i think i am?
How disappointing.

The Magic Man

 

I saw a magic man today!

He got on the light rail wearing a long black coat, rose colored john lennon glasses,

long flowing hair, and a top hat with feathers.

Behind him, he was rolling a big black magic box... I'm assuming it housed all of his magic things, you know:

Bunnies,

Red Handkerchiefs,

Playing Cards,

Dull Saws,

Bird cages,

Maybe even a scantily dressed assistant.

He exuded mystery!

Right about the time i was imagining magic dust swirling around his magic box, & wishing for a little kid to get on.

Sally Suspicious next to me ruined it all!

"What's in your box?"

NOOOOOOO.... don't tell me!

"I deal diamonds, this is my diamond case"

They proceeded to have a long conversation about real diamonds vs. artificially grown diamonds, blah blah, who cares! You should be a magician... obviously, and you should fill that black box with things of mystery- not diamonds.

What a let down...

I was sitting there thinking, I wish i was back abroad, and i didn't speak this language!

They could still have their converstion in czech, i wouldn't understand,   

then i could go on with my day thinking i saw something SPECTACULAR!

Lady Mullet

FINALLY!

You have no idea how bad i've been wanting to blog...

but i've been working hard for the money (of which i've been spending faster than I can make-- sorry mom, can't break the habit) and I just haven't had the time to make this blog entry all that I know it can be:)

So, as promised,

"two words" 

lady mullet

Friday evening.

I'm riding the light rail home from work- heading to pick up my parents, sister, & casey at the airport. To pass time- i start thinking about how uneventful and frankly- disappointing the light rail people watching has been for the week.

 Not kidding, as soon as I start thinking about this, I start looking around, and BAM! 

What is sitting right next to me? 

None other than a lady mullet- sent from the light rail gods to brighten my day! Oh Thank You Lord... this is the perfect way to end the week... too freaking funny!!!

Now, this is where it gets interesting... I mean, this lady mullet is good. 
It's truly screaming "take my picture!" and I'm thinking- "i've got my iphone?" I mean, i would be remiss if i passed up such a fantastic opportunity- and really, this is a hard lady mullet to describe-
 it's unique, it's suave, I certainly wouldn't be able to do it justice!

Out comes the iphone! 

Camera mode selected. ready to shoot. 

Lady mullet- looking good... 

1, 2, 3,


BAM!

Well... maybe a few more quick shots...

    

Let's Be honest, I'm not being very discrete with my photo op.

So as I finish up i look up and the older gent across the isle is watching me take Lady Mullet's glamour shots!

well guess what buddy... when you're looking out the window-BAM!

I took one of him too, for good measure.

-Blah-

Hi.

I wasn’t going to blog today.

I don’t have much to say, it’s freaking frigid outside (like a low of -3 last night), I’m studying for another CPA test, my boyfriend lives in another city, blah blah blah my life sucks, I don’t want to blog!

But I need a study break.

So here is a random assortment of thoughts, compiled just for you- my blog readers.

There is a Lesbian who rides the the light rail.

 I know her sexual orientation because the first time I ever saw her, she got on with a coworker and  proceeed to come out to him- random Wednesday night- so weird. It was akward for everyone sitting around them, well... everyone who was listening to their conversation, and you know I WAS!  It went something like...

Lesbian: "So you have any big thanksgiving plans?"

Coworker: "Just family stuff, what about you?"

Lesbian:"well me and my partner kelly are going to new orleans to visit her family, they're not really accepting of us, but her sister just had a baby so we are going to see the baby. Yeah, so did you know i was a lesbian? I haven't told anyone at the office."

Coworker: "no, no i didn't know that. "

akward silence... my stop... really don't know if that conversation ever recovered.

Now, I always see her. Yesterday morning I got on, there she was! I sat down in the seat facing her because it was the only one open. Then, as I'm giving her the once over I notice she is wearing clogs. Really? Clogs? It's like 5 degrees and snowing! Don't your heels get cold!!!??? I guarantee people in your office know you're a lesbian... nose ring, shoulder length hair parted down the middle, of which it's obvious you didn't attempt to fix, probably combed through it when you got out of the shower last night, then slept on it wet. And CLOGS! I'd see you coming from a mile away..

Over thanksgiving, i fed a Giraffe a leaf....

Please note his big tongue about to seriously slobber my hand!

ALSO...

I drunk blogged Friday night! Lucky for all of us I did not post, I just saved the draft.

But it was serious... all about tiger woods cheating on his wife, and amanda knox being found guilty, and how we shouldn't trust anyone. It was an emotional piece, and when I found it & read it, i was proud of my work.

Ooh MY MY:)

I've decided to make a list (I've noticed lists are popular)

6 things I've learned in 3 weeks.

- Public transportation is an art I haven't mastered. Denver has a light rail that I take to get to and from work... convienent? Yes. Green? Hell yes. Can I do it effortlessly? No. I've always known I like to watch people, but I find myself staring at people and I never notice I’m doing it 'til they look right back at me. Light rail "House Rule's" must be DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT. Most people stare at the floor, out the window, read a book, well surprise! I’m looking at you. Lately, when I get caught I just keep staring... a nonverbal "that's right. I’m judging you." Well this habit recently backfired on me when I was noticing the man across from me was wearing all black, then a few stops in he started humming, then tears started rolling down his cheeks. I'm sitting across from him all like is anyone else seeing this?? Nope, nobody, NOBODY is paying him any attention. By this point I’m convinced the black backpack in his lap is a bomb and he's crying and humming to himself because he's on the way out and taking us all with him! I literally run off the train at the next stop. As I watch it pull away, waiting for the ball of fire in the distance, I'm wondering if I should have taken more people with me?
- Denver Public Transportation is SAFE. In regards to the aforementioned point, I would like to say that I believe Denver public transport is safe, and I may have overreacted. (Or his bomb malfunctioned and didn't detonate.. jurys out.) But seriously, I do feel safe while traveling to and from work, and I believe more cities (ahem... KC) should have these efficient people movers. It really gives you an insight of who lives in your community, and by observing who gets on and off at each stop... which areas of the greater metro you’re probably better off to stay away from.

-you have to follow before you can lead. Three weeks ago I started my new job. (I was going to put an exclamation point after that sentence and they i thought "really?") Anyway, all of you who know me can easily think of some choice words I would have to say about the culture of corporate america. But, a few of my colleagues read this blog. (shot myself in the foot with that one! It's like if i'd given neighbor dean this site, where would we be today?) Back to the topic- let's just say you have to follow before you can lead, ok, but i'm a leader by nature.... and what if, just because of the sheer design of the corporate tier, I have to follow a follower?

-The ticket lady doesn't take the ticket. Every day I park my car in a parking garage. You get a ticket on the way in, validate it, ride the light rail, when you come back... pull up to the ticket lady booth- she opens here fast food-esque sliding glass window takes your validated ticket, smiles at you like she remembers you and you're on your way. Or at least that's how I thought it worked. Until this week when I was exiting the garage behind a car and i noticed that the driver inserted his ticket into a machine, the bar lifted and he drove through- no interaction with the ticket lady? I'm shocked! So, I pull up to the same box; insert my ticket- bar goes up! All the while ticket lady is watching me like a proud  mother... and she gives me a smile as i drive by. Once again, ticket lady doesn't take the ticket.

-NEIGHBOR DEAN is a drunk. Seriously. I've heard him yelling in his front yard on two seperate ocassions now, both times it's mid week, in the 2-3 am range. Luke (my cousin/ roommate) asked him about it the day after the 2nd occurance and he denied it. He actually said "ah i don't remember." To elaborate... Luke works at the local tavern, he says all the girls who work there know neighbor dean as the dude who takes a different girl home every night. Then a week ago luke was in on a monday night and who shows up and bear hugs him from behind.... no need to even turn around... "oh hey dean! drunk? of course you are..." Dean said he just got back from a date... hahaha, 10pm on a monday "date night" show up wasted at the local bar, by yourself no doubt. Oh, neighbor dean.... why didn't you come to my halloween party? It could have been glorious.

-I always start things I can't finish/ LOOSE INTEREST IN: and the list that was supposed to be ten things, is now a brief six.

Neighbor Dean

So, I just moved into a new house right? Cute little neighborhood, lots of young adults, lots of singles who have purchased houses around the area. And our neighbor... Dean.

My very first night here, I was in the living room when a random guy walks in. "um, hi. can I help you?" "Oh hey, I'm your neighbor, Dean." Right then in my head I thought, "and I will call you Neighbor Dean."

As I have gotten to know neighbor dean over the past few weeks I would have to say he has no sense of personal space. For instance, the other day, looked in the backyard and there he was petting kia. He had jumped over the fence and was just petting my dog. I decided to creep from the window instead of approaching him and my dog (both in MY backyard.) As I watched I observed him take a pre-rock back and then jump back over the fence. Just like that, jump over, pet the dog, jump back. I'm thinking... WTF? THEN.... just last week I look out in the backyard again and see Kia  just chilled with a big yellow lab. Again, deciding to creep instead of take immediate action, I observe. And soon enough, here comes neighbor dean. Jumps over the fence, picks up the dog and throws him over, then grabs the fence, does one courtesy rock back and then jumps over.

The Crap i HAVE TO watch:(

I have to watch these lectures for my CPA review. Some days this guy is the only interaction I get! These lectures are not boring, but they can be super annoying. And I often wonder, how did you get this job? I found this on youtube, a collection of his rants...

HA... oh Peter Olinto, I hope I am lucky enough to meet you someday:)

P.S. Still no news on grades! They were supposed to be out this week, maybe next week?