An open letter to helen, my ghost.

Dear Helen,   

I'm not sure how to start this letter; first off, I should say that I'm not afraid of you. That being said, I hope you know I come in peace. Just because I took down your powder blue floral shower curtain AND the matching window treatment in the bathroom doesn't mean I wish you any harm- It just wasn't my style! And when I yell at you for making all the creaky house noises.... well, they are creepy and I get scared... so knock it off! Also, the other day when I was cursing your name from the driveway, remember I thought you were locking my car after I unlocked it. Well, turns out that's just a safety feature of the vehicle, if I don't open the door after so many seconds, it re-locks. Sorry!!! I really thought it was you. Hence why I threatened you to do it again, ("go on Helen, I dare you, do it one more time then we'll see what happens!!!")

Now let's get down to brass tacks, is there any unfinished business you would like me to take care of in your honor? Any last words you were not so inclined to utter? Any secret lovers who don't know you’re gone? I'm available to help! Although if it involves traveling I would prefer we keep it within a 100 mile radius, I can't be out trekking around the country, I’ve got a job and dog to take care of.

To wrap this up- please stop spooking any dogs/ Courtney Kelly’s who come to visit our house. (I call it our house because I can admit you live there too.) Now if you could just get on that same page- we wouldn't have to be having this discussion! Also, what were you thinking when you wallpapered one wall of the back room in that hideous floral pattern? Same thing you were thinking with the shower curtain i suppose. (Crazy old lady.)

Regards, Lora